Will you come back?

Using this badboy again.

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:53:05 GMT

I think I might just be lazy and use my livejournal as my vacation photoblog.

Sun, 06 May 2007 17:29:22 GMT

Bamboozle...rocked.

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:47:04 GMT

Dear Self,

Never ever ever ever try to keep up with charlie again.

Love,
Self

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 05:03:58 GMT

Tomorrow-
work
drunk with RC and company. :) :) :)

Thursday-
play in B-more
paper :( :( :(

Friday-
work
megan wants to hang out
????

Things are happening so fast.

I love old say anything.

I want to see grindhouse so bad.

Old Mill play this weekend, hopefully get to hang out with Jessi+Chris+Justin.

I hate friendships that end before they start.

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 14:12:13 GMT

I'm lost again.

Someone find me?

That is that.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:38:00 GMT

I won't make this too long.

Not much has changed at all.

I'm trying to do some things to better myself though. Self preservation.

Life. Specifically dreams.

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 10:03:44 GMT

I just finished a book. Its called Rules of Attraction

It depressed me. "...a poignant, hilarious take on the death of romance."

All three of the main characters are in love with someone and all 3 of them get utterly screwed over. And in the end of the book nothing has been resolved and they all just end up doing the same exact things they did at the beginning of the book.

The death of romance. Romance, dead.

I don't know what i'm doing with my life, the only thing I was certain of for any amount of time seems to have amounted to something i desperately cling to in hopes of its return.

My family is so messed up. My mom and stepdad just got divorced, my sister hates me if i say anything to her when she yells at my mom and i always do. My mom is fighting an uphill battle to be happy. My dad finally talks to me...he says "I love you." I say it back to minimize awkwardness. I recently talked to my sister who i met once ever and she said "I love you" also. I say it to her for the same reason i say it to him but since she didn't abandon me I almost love her more even if we barely know one another. Oh and i'm living with my stepdad because its easy and free.

I lost touch with everyone...I seriously had a little while where I drank every other night and made friends with strangers who i never talked to again. I'm slowly trying to get back in touch with people. Catie and I are good and i'm glad about it. It was easy to reunite with Drew because we just pickup wherever we left off last. Chris and Jill seem to be a lot harder to reconnect with. I'm gonna try harder

-Pause-
There's this fucking infomercial about pills that make you lose weight and all these women are coming on and talking about how people love them more and how horrible it was being fat and everything and it pisses me off so bad. No one so many fucking people have eating disorders in America.
-Unpause-

with them because i genuinely miss Chris a lot and I would love to reconnect with Jill and be friends like we were before her and Drew. I miss a lot. I'm also reconnecting with Jessica, Katie, Tim, Tyler, Landon, Corey, Chris etc. and its really enjoyable. I dont want to lose them all so randomly.

As much as all of this matters to me in life, there is still one part of my life that is utterly huge and I have failed to mention: Rebecca Marie Larson. Things at this very moment in time are going great with her. However there are still trillions of problems all about. There is the undeniable fact that her friends and family all hate me. I am the scum of the earth to them and I honestly cant blame them. I make her cry a lot...but its not a one way street. There are countless nights i have cried about her, or punched a hole in the wall, or thrown my phone at a door, or just yelled out loud to no one to just feel a little better. The fact is I'm not going to sit here and try and justify myself. No one knows how it all went. I dont care what you say, you dont. We have both fucked up. I have done some fucked up things, she has done the same. We're trying.

When things went to hell with her it was crushing. She was my dream. She was what I had always dreamed about. Some kids want to grow up and be astronaughts, some kids want to be policemen, I wanted to be in love. I wanted to find the right girl and fall in love forever, have sex with only one person ever, be married for years upon years, still feel that way when I look at her 40 years down the line. I thought she was it. Then I thought she wasn't and if she wasn't no one could ever be. Then after a very very fucked up time for me I realized i still wanted her to be. I just need to have that trust there again...both ways.

Regardless the whole point of this entry was that I don't have any certainty in my future or even just tomorrow. Life seems like a blur lately. I need something to give it some flair. I guess i need some genuine hope.

I fucking hate infomercials.
What if I want a dirty colon?

Its been a long while...

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:24:03 GMT

So i'm having a pretty good time in college but there is a whole lot going on in my life.

There's my family life right now which is frankly in a tailspin. My dad has decided he's finally ready to talk to me after too many years, and while this is great and all its kind of weird and caught me offguard. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. Then whats much worse is that i dont have anywhere i can really call home anymore. My mom and sister (who aren't having that great of a time) are living down in Elkton and soon moving all the way to philidelphia and i dont very well feel at home there. And the house here is just occupied by Andy and while it looks like home, it isn't really.

School itself is going very good though, I have A's in all my classes except ironically enough Calculus. I really love Sociology and im just generally doing well.

However i really am missing home and the people there.
Luckily i'll get to see Catie today so I can get a chance to talk to her then. :)
Jill! I have'nt been able to just see you one on one in an ungodly amount of time, i wish you had a cellphone. Regardless if my car starts working again i want to see you.
Chris I don't know whats up but ive called you multiple times and left text messages, i genuinely miss hanging out with you and im sorry you dont feel the same way. (By the way the present i got you, since you wont get it if you dont see me, is a sex gong. Scrubs? Yeah i just saw it and thought of you.)
Kat, i'm gonna call you today, i've been busy but i'm glad i could be there for you.

Wow.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:09:24 GMT

College is crazy.

I really need to start focusing on the studying and homework aspect of it though because ive been soooooo slacking off on that part. It hasn't bit me in the ass yet but then again i havent had any major tests...however i have two on wednesday and one on thursday so its going to be an interesting couple of days.

Regardless I love love love the social part of it all. I mean im just having a good time and doing thigns i've never done before, good example being that last night we all played strip poker...and actually played. I'm being so open about everything too, i mean i just am not shutting anyone out for almost any reason.(Although there is this kid who rides a scooter all around campus and i just dont see us being friends anytime soon.)

Really though there are a few things upsetting me lately. First and foremost is my lack of communication with a lot of people back home mainly being, in alphabetical order:Catie, Chris, Drew, Isaiah, Jill, Mary. And also the fact that at the end of the day i really dont have any one person to talk to anymore about everything.

Lots of little things are eating away at me. I'm not exactly sure if I always like who i'm becoming for lots of reasons. And im in no fucking shape for any kind of real relationship right now :-/

Bleh bleh bleh. All of that is whatever.

The bottom line is i'm having a really great time but i want to see everybody soon, really soon. I have lots of stories...gosh so many.

Nap time.

College

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 00:47:50 GMT

It aint so bad.

Actually im not gonna lie, I friggin love it.

Freedom to the max. I am officially an adult around here.

Call me or text me if you want to know more. Visitors next week and probably this week.

Its good stuff.

But im missing everyone to death...really it just feels so isolated even if im 15 minutes away. :-/ and sleeping is hard too.

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 08:21:08 GMT

Today was summer.

Ocean City which was pretty great (Even if not as great as last year, and bringing up some stuff.)

Then i got home, got a skateboard and skateboarded around my neighborhood.

Come inside, get a call, and end up at the abandoned crownsville mental hospital.

Got home at like 3:45 am.

The End.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 15:39:25 GMT

July 21st.

Go team depressing.

-------EDIT-------

Its going to be one of those days where the universe is out to remind me.
All these stupid little things keep happening.

vbrisugblsblngso bleh.

-------EDIT2.0------

http://willie-is-weird.livejournal.com/2005/08/08/

Just try and remember the bad things, and not the good ones. Makes life easier.

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 02:15:05 GMT

Taking a 7 hour nap has to screw with your sleep schedule...oh well.

i now have gone from an extremely unhealthy 6 hours of sleep in two days to a slightly less unhealthy 13 hours in two.

But i totally wasted my night...

Going to have trouble getting back to sleep...dammnit.

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 06:10:35 GMT

Oh how i think i may actually be a little depressed.

I have to get up for work at 5...and its 2 am...

Go team me.

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 03:11:51 GMT

I wish i was a robot.

Robots dont have hearts.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 04:41:22 GMT

I feel like every cliche loser guy in those movies or tv shows, you know those ones who dwell on girls that they obviously just need to get over but they're too dumb to see it.

Specifically we have the guy from the 40 year old virgin and even better the bus driver from pete and pete.

"Now if i can only make this shot, maybe i can begin to pull together the flaming wreckage that is my shattered life."
-Bus driver from pete and pete, Pat, trying to get over his ex girlfriend.

It's not even funny how pathetic i've become...or maybe its hilarious i really dont know.

I need to stop with the livejournal entries stat.

Also i need to start getting some decent sleep.

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 07:41:36 GMT

Wow, i needed tonight.

Thank you so much Jill, i needed that so bad and i had a lot of fun too.

I still have a lot of problems i need to deal with, but stopping crying and moping long enough to try and deal with those problems is a good start haha.

Then you will be patiently dreaming of me, in spite of you, miserably.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 23:38:39 GMT

So i didn't stay asleep as long as i wanted to.

But i'm starting to feel a little more numb, so i guess thats good.

The question is what to do? What's probably best is just for me to get out...i forced myself out on saturday to go to vineyard and i ended up having a pretty good time.

Alright...lets go team stop feeling bad for yourself and get up.

Oh time for a mix CD.

"The truth is that im overrated,
I can't think straight, i formulate.
The truth is that its sad to say it
but you can't help me.

You, you don't see me that way.
You hear the words that i say.
You just tell me my hearts in the right place
Its the world thats confused
And its never too late to save a hopeless case."

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 19:39:59 GMT

A couple days, a couple lies.

I was heartbroken and she was talking.

I cant even begin to describe what this feels like.

Chris and Jill, im sorry but im just going to try and sleep as much as i can, i dont want to do anything tonight.

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 19:30:55 GMT

I think I want to be a therapist.

I would never be bored because there would always be constantly more stories and interesting things to hear about, and I could give advice on people's lives because I think i'm moderately good at that. (Even if im a total fuck up in my own affairs.)

Then i hope it ends where it began, so hot with love it burns our hands.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 21:35:53 GMT

Oh emo boy, you need help.

Hi Brand New, I love you.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:56:16 GMT

But when I say let's keep in touch,
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 21:49:34 GMT

I'm sad, thats the plain of it.

But im still having a great time with life.

More adventures are all I can wish for, because my other wishes go unanswered.

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 04:09:50 GMT

I just want to go away.

Saturday i'm am going on a one person road trip.

Can I bare to forget you,
when everything we've done
remains to keep me up at night?

Let's take the time to see if my
Lips belong on yours tonight.

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:32:21 GMT

A new appreciation for Daphne Loves Derby.

Get their "new" CD "On The Strength of All Convinced" its so good musically and gosh just great. I think i did'nt like it as much because i compared it to their old acoustic stuff before and now im realizing you cant compare the two they're apples and oranges.

I started writing a song i really like, i hope chris can help me put it to music.